"God told me to choke on pretzel" - Bush
Near-death by confectionary "the Lord's will", President tells BBC filmmakers
President George Bush has claimed that he was told by God to eat a prezel, choke, faint, fall over, and hit his face on the floor.
The incident, alleged to have occurred in January of 2002, is revealed in a documentary due to be screened on the BBC next week.
"As soon as I got the word from the Big Guy," the President tells a group of assembled Palestinian leaders in once scene, "I ordered a pretzel in, and started cramming it down. Before I knew it, I was on the deck, and Dick [Cheney, Vice-President] was trying to give me mouth-to-mouth."
The revelation comes just weeks after a similar assasination attempt on Mr Bush by God, when he was thrown from his bicycle onto a large rock while on his daily exercise route.
Mr Bush remains upbeat despite the warning signs pointing towards his impending doom, putting a positive spin on his selection as a recipient of the Divine Being's wrath.
"I felt God's words coming to me", Mr Bush is quoted as saying, "'George, go and free those salty snacks from the tyranny of their plastic wrappings. Only you can liberate them... down your throat, while standing next to some sharp furniture.'"
According to Mahmoud Abbas, Palestinian Prime Minister, the President claimed he had a "moral, religious, and hunger-based obligation" to act.
However, a senior White House official has denied that the Holy Father willed the President's untimely demise. Press Secretary Scott McClennan told assembled reporters yesterday that the President's words had been misinterpreted and that God had simply intended Mr Bush to take an extremely long holiday.
The Almighty did not make Himself available to the media for comment on the matter, although the Mr Bush has offered to act as a mediator should the press wish to speak with Him.
President George Bush has claimed that he was told by God to eat a prezel, choke, faint, fall over, and hit his face on the floor.
The incident, alleged to have occurred in January of 2002, is revealed in a documentary due to be screened on the BBC next week.
"As soon as I got the word from the Big Guy," the President tells a group of assembled Palestinian leaders in once scene, "I ordered a pretzel in, and started cramming it down. Before I knew it, I was on the deck, and Dick [Cheney, Vice-President] was trying to give me mouth-to-mouth."
The revelation comes just weeks after a similar assasination attempt on Mr Bush by God, when he was thrown from his bicycle onto a large rock while on his daily exercise route.
Mr Bush remains upbeat despite the warning signs pointing towards his impending doom, putting a positive spin on his selection as a recipient of the Divine Being's wrath.
"I felt God's words coming to me", Mr Bush is quoted as saying, "'George, go and free those salty snacks from the tyranny of their plastic wrappings. Only you can liberate them... down your throat, while standing next to some sharp furniture.'"
According to Mahmoud Abbas, Palestinian Prime Minister, the President claimed he had a "moral, religious, and hunger-based obligation" to act.
However, a senior White House official has denied that the Holy Father willed the President's untimely demise. Press Secretary Scott McClennan told assembled reporters yesterday that the President's words had been misinterpreted and that God had simply intended Mr Bush to take an extremely long holiday.
The Almighty did not make Himself available to the media for comment on the matter, although the Mr Bush has offered to act as a mediator should the press wish to speak with Him.
posted by Emmet at 8:16 p.m.
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