Friday, October 07, 2005

Government Spends €30M On Commodore 64

Antique computer to be used to administer health service, says Taoiseach
In a bold move designed to calm the increasing furore over the HSE computer system scandal, the government are today to unveil their long-awaited solution to the crisis in the shape of a 22 year old home computer.

Taoiseach Bertie Ahern and Health Minister Mary Harney are set to announce their plan to transfer all health service payments to the new Commodore 64 system at a press conference this morning, ending more than a week of speculation and controversy over the government's delayed response to the failure of the PPARS system. The new system is expected to be fully operational by May of next year.

Speculation within the media of a possible C64 announcement began to grow during the week when journalists were alerted to a fierce bidding war developing for the machine on the popular online auction site eBay. On Thursday afternoon the bidding ended, with eBay user BassDrinker51 emerging victorious, finishing the bidding at GBP£20,800,210 (€30,514,200).

Dáil insiders had remained tightlipped during the bidding process, with only Defence Minister Willie O'Dea dropping his guard by remarking that the he was confident the Taoiseach would "make a decision with as much intelligence [behind it] as a Commodore 64 supercomputer".

Earlier in the week, Minister O'Dea had cryptically responded to all questions relating to the government's handling of the controversy by repeatedly whistling the tune of the Beatles' When I'm 64 in an appearance on RTÉ's Questions and Answers program.

"Nobody thought it unusual at the time, coming as it did from Willie" remarked presented Johnathan Bowman.

However speculation was ended when it eventually emerged late last night that the computer had in fact been bought by the government. The new system has been described as being in excellent condition apart from a broken hinge on the cassette loading bay. The deal brokered specifies the inclusion of over 40 games, all of which come on copied cassette tapes. Also included is the original box and instruction manual, all of which has been touted as proof of the system as being value for money.

The move is seen as an exercise in damage limitation by the government in an effort to restore credibility in advance of the next general election, now due as early as 2007. After coming under recent pressure over accusations of allowing "Ripoff Ireland" to develop, a prudent move was required in handling this latest situation, and it is thought that that Taoiseach was directly involved in the final decision.

It is also felt that the purchase of the new computer system could be a backhanded response to opposition leader Pat Rabbite's comments in the Dáil on Tuesday that the existing system was "about as capable as an Atari 2600" of managing the payment systems of the county's 35,00 health workers.

However, opposition parties came out vocally against the new system, claiming it to be too little, too late. A more prudent use of the taxpayers money, Fine Gael leader Enda Kenny claimed, would have been to use eBay's "Buy it now" option before the bidding war developed on Tuesday evening, when the computer was availble for €10.50, more that 2.8 million times less than was eventually paid.

Rumours are also emerging that the new system will be susceptible to similar faults that plagued PPARS, with some technology experts claiming that sometimes, when you load games, the tape goes all the way up to 99 on the counter and then it might just stop for no reason and you have to reset it and wait for it to load all over again.

The government has claimed that they are fully aware of these potential pitfalls in the new system, and have already employed consultancy company Deloitte & Touche to carry out a full investigation.

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